I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
cat food counts as protein by the way
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
