Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
