i already hear my dad disowning me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
