you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Enjoy the penises
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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