don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
