I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
