I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
