is your mom at the bar?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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