I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This baby is an asshole
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
