pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
