I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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