i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize