i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
