even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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