i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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