As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
