Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
