As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
