i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
