I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
