just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
