The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
