She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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