i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Barsexuality is the new black.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
