If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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