you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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