It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
