she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
