She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize