Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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