and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
