I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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