I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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