Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
