He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
