We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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