Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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