my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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