Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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