So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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