i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
