make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
