I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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