i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
