I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
