and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
