Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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