Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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