Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
