So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
