What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
