Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
