We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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