Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
