If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
