Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
this beer tastes like vomit already
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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