How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
