if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
