She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
