nut hugger
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
