dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
