He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize