This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
