just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
