im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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