I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
