Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
