We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
