it hurts more in the daytime
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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