It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
All I want is dick and wine.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
