you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
