Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
accomplished twins. life is a go
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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