don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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