he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
