I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
