I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
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