i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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