Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize