connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
