well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
