It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
