If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
